Goodbye challenge!
30. Who are you
Who am I? I dislike asking myself this question now, because my mind tends to go blank. It’s not because I have no vision on who I truly am, but because these words will not be enough to capture the ‘I’.
The easiest and most convenient answer would be me. ‘I am me’ is what most simply say to avoid further explanation. However, I feel that there’s the need to give more credit to my existence than just a two-lettered word.
I was a spontaneous and reckless youth. I do things head on without thinking of consequences. I have implanted in myself that I have to live as if I will die the next day. I was chasing every moment. It didn’t matter if it was worth it, because I just felt the need to.
Now, I have become someone who is cautious. I learned to think about things more thoroughly, ending with little regret. Then again, I actually don’t believe that life is merely a set of right decisions after careful deliberation of the consequences. It is not at all appealing to think of, no matter how ideal. I don’t want a carefully planned life. Isn’t that a life that can’t be lived?
Admittedly, I am someone who is comfortable when everything is predictable and consistent. I cringe when there is something inconsistent. However, I have come to realize that I myself am not very consistent with the things I say and do. The things I expect from others, is something that I can’t be for them. I put expectations since there also so much expectations of me. Here, I am contradicting myself once more.
And even with seventeen years of life experience, I am still unable to have a concrete ‘Who am I’ without any contradictions of my identity in the back of my own mind. Am I simply stating facts that I want to believe is true? Can we separate our ideal self from our true self?
What is the meaning of my existence, because I believe that it would help shape me to the person I am intended to be. What is my very essence for? I believe in God, thus I believe in trying to live a life like the Word-Made-Flesh. However, that life is not easy. What if it can’t be done, will my existence in this world, and myself as I am now mean nothing? Does that entail an all-or-nothing idea that I should accept?
At some degree, I like being the questioner, forever curious and forever thirsting for more. It’s a drive, to continue doing what I have started. The principles, and ideals I have are all subjected to change. Changes are consistent, but the degree of change is uncomfortable. I just feel the need to be something more, and I want to try what I can be if I reflect more.
Who am I? I guess I am but an ever-changing body, in the process of becoming. As I become, I know that the answer might not be as important as I used to think it is.
Who am I? I dislike asking myself this question now, because my mind tends to go blank. It’s not because I have no vision on who I truly am, but because these words will not be enough to capture the ‘I’.
The easiest and most convenient answer would be me. ‘I am me’ is what most simply say to avoid further explanation. However, I feel that there’s the need to give more credit to my existence than just a two-lettered word.
I was a spontaneous and reckless youth. I do things head on without thinking of consequences. I have implanted in myself that I have to live as if I will die the next day. I was chasing every moment. It didn’t matter if it was worth it, because I just felt the need to.
Now, I have become someone who is cautious. I learned to think about things more thoroughly, ending with little regret. Then again, I actually don’t believe that life is merely a set of right decisions after careful deliberation of the consequences. It is not at all appealing to think of, no matter how ideal. I don’t want a carefully planned life. Isn’t that a life that can’t be lived?
Admittedly, I am someone who is comfortable when everything is predictable and consistent. I cringe when there is something inconsistent. However, I have come to realize that I myself am not very consistent with the things I say and do. The things I expect from others, is something that I can’t be for them. I put expectations since there also so much expectations of me. Here, I am contradicting myself once more.
And even with seventeen years of life experience, I am still unable to have a concrete ‘Who am I’ without any contradictions of my identity in the back of my own mind. Am I simply stating facts that I want to believe is true? Can we separate our ideal self from our true self?
What is the meaning of my existence, because I believe that it would help shape me to the person I am intended to be. What is my very essence for? I believe in God, thus I believe in trying to live a life like the Word-Made-Flesh. However, that life is not easy. What if it can’t be done, will my existence in this world, and myself as I am now mean nothing? Does that entail an all-or-nothing idea that I should accept?
At some degree, I like being the questioner, forever curious and forever thirsting for more. It’s a drive, to continue doing what I have started. The principles, and ideals I have are all subjected to change. Changes are consistent, but the degree of change is uncomfortable. I just feel the need to be something more, and I want to try what I can be if I reflect more.
Who am I? I guess I am but an ever-changing body, in the process of becoming. As I become, I know that the answer might not be as important as I used to think it is.
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