of fragile things

i hate fragile things. it reminds me of how things can easily break, no matter how much effort you put into taking care of it.

when you have a toy, a beautiful but fragile toy.

you want to play with it, but when you do, you always have to put constraint. you always have it in mind what would happen when you do this. you do that. so you never really get to enjoy it fully.

you're always too careful not to destroy it that sometimes you forget why you handle it with such care in the first place. you forget that you don't want to break it, because it was a beautiful toy you love to play with.

arent some relationships like that?

two people guard their thoughts too much. two people share too little. two people talk but do not communicate. two people scared to reveal in fear of breaking what they have. so little of what they have.

so what is the point of their relationship if they are too focused with keeping it, than making something out of it.

in relationships, you compromise. too many times ive played too rough, and now i see how delicate it can be. but i have been keeping all my thoughts, all my doubts and worries to myself because im afraid of breaking that fragile connection. i keep all my frustrations, all irrationality. i push away my insecurities and selfish desires.

when i try to speak out, i get too terrified and i swallow my words. i end up being a good girl- a better girl, but it doesnt really make you happy.

this doesnt make sense.

1:03 am