goodbyegoodbyegoodbye

Five years we shared the laughter and the pain. I honestly did not expect to be in a relationship so young, for so long. All the days just seemed to pass, carefree and reckless and gentle and strong. I do not know how, I do not know when. All I knew was that one day I realized I was already in love with you. Oh love, how I took it for granted.

Constantly I pushed you away. You went away. You came back, and sheltered me from my own insecurities. Over and over. I don't know why.
I pushed too hard. You went away. You never came back. I stood there and gazed at the two hearts that I broke. Fragile hearts crushed by my very fingers. Shards piercing us from the inside and out. Intense then numbing. Until there was just nothing to feel.

I hate how much you never cared for your self. I hate how you always undermine your worth.
I hate how little I showed you of how I cared for you. I hate how little I showed my appreciation of you.
I hate how I can't find the words to say. I hate how you couldn't understand what I wanted you to hear.
I hate how little you share your secrets to me. I hate how I do the same.
I hate how you were always by my side. I hate how you always come to rescue me.
But I hate how I can never be the first person you run to.

I will always love the way you talk to me. I will always love the nights you sang me to sleep.
I will always love your warm embrace. I will always love.

Your annoying long hair. Your silly games. Your big shirts. Your stupid computer. Your beautiful songs.

Your voice. Your laugh. Your tears. Your face. Your eyes. Your smile. Your name.

If I could turn back time, I would've asked you to stay. I would've never said words I never meant in the first place. But I too had ran away. When I came back, you were gone and there was nothing left of us to save.

I broke your heart. You broke mine.
If you came back now, I would try. Harder to keep you. Better to love you.
If you walk away, forever I will hold my peace. Move two steps away. Hide in the midst of strangers.

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE.
Wake me up. Tell me it was all a dream.
You have in your hands the one thing I cant live without.
My heart.

I want to fix this but we cant?
I want to go back to the way we were before but we cant?
I want to be the girl for you and you the boy for me but it cant?

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE
LET ME LET ME LET ME

All has been done. All has been said.
but dont make me the reason why you dont want us to be together.
my studies and my family has nothing to do with what we have
the future is far away and what we have is now
i dont want to complicate things.
because as far as i know
i love you
and thats all that matters to me.

So where is my goodbye?
i never wanted good byes.
i was never good with goodbyes

but if thats what you want
what you truly want
to be free of me
then out of my love
i can set you free

will you ever think of me? will you ever miss me? will you ever want me?
this love has become one sided.
and i never got to know this side until now

prolonging this good bye is not good.
but i dont know how to end



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