Oh my my

So, I am officially on summer break. I guess that would mean I have plenty of time to revive my internet self. Either that, or I spend time on more productive stuff like studying.

It's been such a long time since I've talked about something. I'm no longer sure what I want to talk about. Actually, I have so many things to say. The words just don't seem to come to me. I'll jump from one topic to another then.

You know what? I've realized that I can never be truly happy if I don't have God with me. For the past days, I have been ignoring God. It's hard to admit, since people tend to misjudge. I was struggling with stress, so I wasn't relying in Him. I thought that I could only rely on my self since it's my problem in the first place. I guess that made everything unnecessarily harder for me.

Once I realized that, some things felt lighter. I gave Him a role in my life again. It's kind of hard to explain, but it felt like I can still be happy despite all the stress. I'm quite the worrywart, if you haven't noticed. It means I tend to worry about things that I have no power over. With God, I guess it's nice to have a bit of my abnormal self. It will take time but I want to give my life to God. I've prayed so many times, and gave my life to Him so many times. I just keep encountering this wall and I retreat.

It felt nice to be with Him, but I kind of know myself. I get all hyped up and spiritually pumped, but it dies down when I don't have any support. It's like starting to know how to play dance revo. You get all excited and stuff, and you want to play again and again. The problem is it's hard when you're the only one who wants to play. Sure it's fine for a while, but then you see everyone else not minding you. I gradually drift away. That's why this summer I plan to take action. Like real action. I don't have anything specific in mind, but I have that certain goal at least.

Me and Fido. Like serious. Like really deep. I'm completely mind blown by how I feel so comfortable around him. I'm sure everyone knows how it feels to breath fresh air and it's just like that. I've had a little trouble trusting him again, but then he just continuously proves himself. No, he didn't buy extravagant gifts. Trust can't be bought with gigantic teddy bears, no matter how adorable. It's the little things. I find it difficult to explain. In four years, we've changed quite a lot. I guess it was necessary to get reacquainted especially after entering college where we had to reform ourselves. I found myself falling in love over and over again.

I know I'm probably getting ahead of myself. I know that there's a possibility that I might get hurt in the end. It doesn't seem as terrifying as you think. I'm willing to risk it for the possibility of warm love. I don't mind if everything tries to tear us apart, we just have to be stronger.

My dad is officially weird. He recently started to call more often. I realized that his laugh was quite weird and his train of thought was even weirder. I adore him even more. I've always looked up to him, no matter what other people said. He's my hero. To me, he will always be someone who knows so much and can do so many! My mom is very lucky, though I guess they're both lucky to find each other. Mom is a different kind of weird but I respect her kind of weirdness. It makes me strive to become a mom just like her. I mean, I love her as it is! If I follow her footsteps, my children would adore me too! Haha.

Over time, my brother grew more handsome. It's so freaky! I mean he was this chubby kid. Like really chubby and short. Now, he's like an inch or two taller and man! His body looks good. My sister is also a few centimeters taller, but she's the conservative type. When she wears polo shirts, she buttons them all the way to her neck. She dislikes wearing V-necks.

What else..

Chemistry is really giving me a hard time. I recently joined a talk with people with PhDs. You see, to have a masters degree I need to travel all the way to Manila. If I intend to get a doctorate, I need to travel out of the country just for that. You know what makes it harder? We actually have to discover things on our own. OMG. I'm not that awesome to know how to determine the components of the Lagundi leaves common in every country. Or separating chiral stuff! I have absolutely no idea what to do with my undergraduate thesis and we all know we can't graduate without it! It's freaking me out.

What am I supposed to make? Biofuel from eggs (already taken) sounded like a good idea, but it certainly wasn't good enough! Water sampling would've been nice if only it weren't over used. Seriously! I'm considering to make some kind of love potion!

Wew. Didn't intend to vent!
I'm running out of things to say. Oh well, till next time!